Your wedding day, especially as a Desi groom, can feel like the biggest moment in your life. However, it can also feel nerve racking and stressful. Just because it’s your day doesn’t mean you should have to go through it alone. That’s what your groomsmen are here for. The team of men that will be supporting you in the moment leading up to and during your big day will consist of your closest friends, cousins, and brothers through the years. But how do you ask them to take that next step with you?
At The Desi Bride, we believe that behind every groom with his sherwani are his impeccably dressed and incredibly supportive groomsmen, which is why asking your friends to step up to that task can seem difficult. We’ve created this helpful guide on how to ask your groomsmen to take on a big role in your wedding, what that role might entail, and what to get them after the fact.
First, you will want to decide if you want to ask all your groomsmen at once or individually. This is a key difference because it may determine how and when you ask them, so be sure to think this through beforehand and figure out how to create a personalized groomsmen experience.
PC: Robin Saini
The best way to ask your groomsmen as a group is to make an event out of it and invite your future groomsmen to hang out with you together. Not only is this a wonderful way to get them to say Yes, it’s also a great opportunity to tell the group of men how much they mean to you and for everyone to mingle and celebrate your upcoming Desi wedding.
The benefits to going this route are endless: you’ll be able to go through with all the different groomsmen in one go, meaning that you won’t have to ask the same question over and over again. After all, planning individual catch ups with your various groomsmen can make an already hectic wedding planning schedule even more crowded.
Though it may seem a little less intimate than asking each of your groomsmen individually, it streamlines the process and can be especially effective if your group of groomsmen is already familiar with each other. Even if not all of the men have met, what better way to introduce the team than a bonding celebration like this over beer, wine, or chai?
You can include a small speech and talk about how much each of them means to you and why you’d like them to be at your wedding even in a group setting, preserving the intimacy of the one-on-one moment as well. Far from impersonal, this method of asking you future groomsmen can actually be a great way to deepen the bonds you already have together.
After your friends say yes, they can go back to having a blast at the event you organized.
Often the most intimate way of popping the question to your groomsmen, asking in person can be a wonderful way to get your closest friends on board for the biggest ceremony of your life.
On the flip side, if you’re the type to not make a huge fuss over it, this might be your best bet as well. After all, you are in control of how serious the conversation becomes in a one to one scenario. Asking them to be your groomsmen can be as simple as a quick question over a Starbucks latte or a beer at a sports bar. While you should let them know that their friendship has meant something to you, you don’t necessarily have to make an event out of it, either.
This can also be a great way to ask each of your friends if your groomsmen might not know each other well enough for you to invite them to the same event, or if they would not be able to make it to a single get-together. No man gets left behind -- and asking each of them personally will surely make them feel appreciated!
Despite the fact that social media has become the go-to method of communication, going for a traditional letter is the more thoughtful play when asking such an important question. For one, writing a letter and even designing a card can give you that special and intimate moment even when your best friends are far away from you physically. It’s also a great opportunity to put your thoughts out without worrying about when to bring it up in the middle of a verbal conversation.
Letters are better than texts because they give you the space to talk about the various experiences and highs and lows that you and your friend have been through together without worrying about sending them a wall of text. It’s a good idea to include a few tangible memories or shared experiences you’ve had together before asking your groomsmen to take on a major role in your wedding.
Writing a letter can also be the most convenient way of asking someone to be your groomsman because you can simply send the letter along with wedding invitations and shoot two birds with one stone.
When it comes to picking gifts for your groomsmen, you might want to take your time and find something that speaks to your friendship over the years. At the same time, the best gifts for a Desi groomsman may be ones that they can use at your South Asian wedding. Whether the wedding favors are to thank them for their incredible job handling the finer details of your wedding ceremony or to celebrate the fact that they agreed to take on the responsibility, being a groomsman needs to be awarded in kind. Here’s a definitive list of the best groomsmen gifts to get your friends for your upcoming celebration:
On the surface, men might look like they have it easy when planning a Tux or suit as their Indian wedding outfit. But this can’t be further from the truth. The simplicity of a suit and tie is elevated by the right choices for accessories. By adding on multiple and matching layers of accessories, you can elevate your groomsmen’s outfit to have an immaculate look. Try these fun Super Mario cuff links; fashionable Onyx cufflinks and buttons; or a Justice League or Avengers tie clip set to customize your attire. They even come with a matching pair of cufflinks for an easy-to-accomplish yet fashionable look. With a variety of unique tones and gemstones to choose from, this Amazon find will ensure that your groomsmen can match your wedding colors with flair of their own.
When opting for a Tux or suit for your black tie Indian wedding reception or any other ceremony, matching accessories are the best way to ensure you look stylish and stay within your wedding color palette. Keep your groomsmens’ outfits coordinated by buying all your accessories as a set and gifting them in advance of the wedding. We recommend this matching set from Amazon that includes a tie, cufflinks, a pocket square and a lapel pin, this three piece floral tie set, or this modern wooden bow tie and cufflink set.
Your groomsmen are going to be the team to make sure you have a good time through your wedding, so get them this matching set of flasks to make sure they’re properly suited up. This classy option from Amazon will be an instant hit with the guys for its clean black finish and modern feel. Not only does it have a sleek, timeless finish, it also has personalized engravings for both the best man and the groomsmen and is buyable as a set. Pair it with a bottle of their favorite liquor and no one will refuse your invitation.
Turbans have gone from religious and ceremonial accessories to full blown fashion statements in recent years. Commonly seen in Sikh and Punjabi weddings, these Pagris can be brightly colored and signify the important role your groomsmen will play in your ceremonies. Having a similar style or color can make the group look more coordinated and sending your groomsmen the Turbans ahead of time will help them prepare for your wedding day. While you have a variety of options at your fingertips, this colorful floral Turban from one of our top rated vendors, Harleen Kaur, is sure to make your groomsmen standout. If your groomsmen will having matching Nehru jackets or kurtas to match the groom's sherwani, you may want to match these pagris to their groomsmen's outfits.
You can't go wrong with something that has your groomsman’s name on it. If you’ve already gotten the date for your wedding down, you should get these slick aviator sunglasses engraved with your groomsman’s name and your wedding date for the perfect pre-wedding gift. The distinct wooden style will make your closest mates stand out even in the most lavish Desi wedding. In addition, you can get this for your groomsmen or for all of your guests as wedding favors-- fully customized glasses means these make wonderful gifts for just about anyone attending your special day.
If your best man or groomsmen are sports fans, creating custom golf balls is a fun way to add a personal touch to the groomsmen's gifts. You and your groomsmen can have a good laugh as everyone tries to figure out which ball is theirs, or use these personalized golf balls during the bachelor party (we never suggested a game of beer pong ;)) or a pre-wedding tee time!
Two other ideas on personalized favors are customized golf markers, which can be customized with the names and initials of your groomsmen. or custom golf towels, which are the perfect gift for any golf lover.
No, seriously. When it comes to Desi weddings, the shoes stay off for a large portion of the ceremony. And if you really want to be the perfect groom, there’s nothing like a Mani-Pedi session to make your feet and hands look immaculate for D-day.
Chances are, your bride-to-be has already booked her salon dates well in advance, so why not bring your closest mates together for a guy’s night out? Not only will this be useful to you as a groom, but it will also serve as a fun and relax opportunity for you and your groomsmen in the days leading up to your wedding. Who doesn’t love a massage?
Now that your groomsmen have said yes -- it’s time to tell them exactly what you’re expecting from them for the days leading up to your wedding and the moments after. While wearing matching outfits and looking good on camera will no doubt come naturally to your friends and brothers, the responsibilities that come with being a Desi groomsmen aren’t all fun and games. As a groom, it’s important to delegate wedding-day tasks to your groomsmen so they know what they are responsible for and so that you can relax and enjoy your moment without stressing the details.
PC: Lin & Jirsa
Before the wedding even starts, the groomsmen and the best man need to be on top of the planning for an exciting bachelor party. Of course, groomsmen are free to consult with the groom about where or when the party should happen, but beyond basic ideas, this party should entirely be under the jurisdiction of the boys. Since you are going to have your hands full with the wedding itself, it’s up to your closest mates to plan and execute an unforgettable bachelor party. It might be a thoughtful idea to have all the groomsmen pitch in and give the groom a gift during the party as well -- we recommend splitting the cost of one significant, game-changing gift for the groom to prepare him for his married life ahead.
While the big planners -- the groom and his bride -- will no doubt take care of the major events and big questions of the wedding and various wedding events with a wedding planner on hand, it’s up to the behind-the-scenes team of groomsmen (and bridesmaids) to make sure the smallest details run without a hitch.
Make sure to let your groomsmen know ahead of time what they will be responsible for -- for example, you might have already created a wedding playlist as a part of your planning efforts as a couple, but communicating that song list to the DJ and ensuring that your guests are able to get their own song requests through can be impossible to manage as a groom. If you explain clearly to your boys before the wedding that the song list is for them to keep on track, then you will have less to fuss over during the wedding itself.
You may also want to have some groomsmen on point to communicate timelines / guide your guests; make sure your vendors show up and set up on time, like your wedding photographer, caterer, and decor vendors. We recommend setting up a google doc or other shared file, so that your Desi groomsmen will know where they are supposed to be and what they are responsible for at all times. Make sure all the details are instantly shared with you and your team -- whether it’s a part of your intimate ceremony or your big fat Indian wedding.
Just as important as it is to delegate roles to your groomsmen, it’s also important to have them by your side during your big day. You never know when the jitters will hit you during such a long and pivotal ceremony. At all times, have at least one groomsman with you to hype you up and make sure you never lose sight of the fact that this is your day to enjoy to the fullest extent! Never be afraid of leaning on your buddies for emotional support -- after all, that’s what they signed up for when they agreed to be your supporting crew. If you need an Advil, some water, a quick bite, or even a shot of tequila to calm the nerves, these guys should be prepared.
The average Desi wedding has a guest list that’s huge and impossible to keep track of. To add to an already large crowd are the problems of transport, seating, and the possibility that some guests will need extra accommodations. Let your groomsmen know that they’re the last line of defense between you and the crowds! Allow them to be responsible for transportation and seating so that only the most pressing of issues will interrupt your perfect wedding. Remember that during D-day, your groomsmen will be the first contacts for all kinds of logistical questions so that you don’t feel the strain of every question that may arise during the ceremony. The google doc should have all of the details, so your groomsmen can refer to the document with logistics details and vendor contact info without bothering you.
For South Asian and Desi-fusion weddings, ceremonies are a lot more complicated than your typical walk-down-the-aisle. Your groomsmen will be your go-to personnel when you need anything at all during the baraat or the wedding ceremony. Make sure that at least one of your men is on stand-by during the ceremony in case something is missing or misplaced. In fact, we recommend that you arrive at the venue at least an hour before other guests arrive to ensure that everything is ready to run on time.
While you and your bride will no doubt be off to enjoy your honeymoon, your families left behind to pack up wedding-day items from the venue or transport gifts will no doubt appreciate help from your groomsmen. Besides, your groomsmen can be the perfect answer for relatives and friends that are planning on flying out after your reception and need a ride to the airport. Staying behind after the wedding is one of the most meaningful gestures a groomsman can make for the newlywed couple and their family.
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